I know I'm ready because...

I know I'm ready to have a baby because:

• I notice every child within a close radius whether they are an infant, toddler or first grader
• Every child, infant or toddler I see, I want to mull, kiss and smell while carrying on about how cute they are to their mother... I don't because I don' want these mothers to think I am a complete Nut Job and want to steal their child...
• I have that "I wanna nurture" thing going on, and the husband does not need that MUCH attention
• I am begging to babysit my friends kids!
• I have all this knowledge and wisdom that I need to share!

So as for today's message, short and simple and among the million other reasons, My heart is full of LOVE to give, and I want to give and nurture my legacy! I'M READY!
Bring it on GOD!

From a -5 to a 1 in 3 months....

Funny story!
Just about 15 minutes ago my husband comes down from his cave (his office) to get something to snack on, and we have a simple conversation, "Hey Honey, watcha doing, having a snack" etc...
Out of the clear blue sky, (well actually the dark cloudy rainy skies) I get this overwhleming feeling to express to him my hormonal issues and my urges to procreate! (That damn facebook is messing with my head.... I am seeing all my friends, new and old posting pictures of their kids, and trust me, they ALL have kids!!!) Yes, I am blaming the huge pimple on my nose on my hormones... dont we all?
So he entertaines my neurosis like he usually does, laughing at me and says, " Honey, I can have this conversation with you now, a couple of months ago I couldnt, dont worry we are getting close... Basically, on the "I'm ready to be a daddy scale" I used to be a -5 and now im at a 1.... not bad, right? And I asked him, "How long did it take you to get from a -5 to a 1?" He responded about 3 months. With his response I am quickly calculating in my head, I said to him, "So in about 3 more months, you'll be at a 7!!!!" (On his 'Im ready to be a daddy scale, 7 is the I'm ready mark) He laughs really hard, and says "Well honey it doesnt exactly work like that!"

All I can do at this point is have a sense of humor and laugh about this, AND FREEZE SOME EGGS!!!! LOL!

I'm being patient...

What is patience anyway?
Delayed what? Delayed gratification? Delayed blessings? OR just a delay... Time for me to understand why I am going through what I am going through? Patience is GOD's way of preparing us for what is about to come... I can accept that! With all the crazy things going on and through my mind... Sometimes I feel like I dont want to talk to anyone, because no matter who it is, I get the same questions, and with those questions, I have to provide answers, and I have NONE! How long can I go without talking to my friends? I miss them....On top of the fact that all of my closest girlfriends and family are on the mainland... and I am still on this little island... I lack the face to face comfort of the familiar. I have new friends that live close to me, but I don't know anyone even close to being in a similar situation as me, so again, lacking comfort... Where can I get the comfort I am looking for? My husband wants to comfort me, but I don't look to him, because I now feel myself quickly feeling resentful toward him for not giving me what I want.

There are soo many "what if's" I could go on and on with the "what if's" and that is not going to help me, it will discourage me. I want to keep things positive and keep things moving in my life, and continue to trust that when it is time for us, GOD will provide in all things!
In the meantime, i am going to distract myself with contemplating a new job... I already have business going on in my life... A new job will get me around people again vs. working from home and will provide some nice distraction until "that" time comes....

My hopes are that this BLOG helps give me an outlet to vent my frustrations and makes me feel better, so far... well, I'm being patient. I will continue to write hoping that some keen inspiration will find me well, and until then, I am gonna go for a walk!

How long do I have to wait?

Most days, I am perfectly happy and content with my life and only think of pro-creating hundreds of times a day...
Then there are other days that I can't get having a baby off my mind... This is natural, RIGHT?
I'm not the only one, RIGHT? Sigh...
What really gets me, is when people tell me to "get on with it"," just do it"," go for it"," you can do it" OR "ohhh, your at that age when..." Like I have hit my expiration date or something!?
They are right I can, however, I have a partner in this whole process and if he is telling me that he is not "READY" what do I say to that??? I can only share with him how I feel about this, I do, and HE UNDERSTANDS, he gets it... He wants me to have what I want, He wants children too! Just not today! Sigh again...
So, please anyone out there, tell me, do I have an expiration date? Is there such a thing? I am starting to question myself because I just turned the BIG 4-0 this year and wonder about my egg production, should I be worried?

Im gonna start blogging...

This Blogging, what does it mean, how do you do it, why do you do it and when shall i start doing it has been on my mind since I first heard of the word... BLOG...

Before I could wrap my mind around "BLOGGING" I needed to have a subject matter that I am passionate about... Simply put, that subject matter is becoming and being "Mommy"!!! I am one of those girls who has always wanted to be a "Mommy" I played with my dolls, loved babysitting as a teenager, and always dreamed of the day I would get married and start my family... which I thought would be at the age of 25.....
Most of the blogging I hear about has to do with pregnancy or actually being a mommy!
Who is writing about all the PRE-BABY stuff, even PRE-PREGNANCY? I AM NOW!
My thinking process is to be able to share some of my thoughts and what is going on in my mind as I am looking forward to being pregnant and becoming a mommy!

It seems like today is a good day to start... so here we go! This afternoon, I ran into a girlfriend and she was walking out of her doctor's office and she is 7months pregnant... Surprise, oh wonderful surprise...I didnt know, I havent seen her in a while and Im not in her inner circle... so how would I know??? I asked her if she's been on Facebook lately and she said "No, she is bloggin" and gave me her web address... When I came home I took a uick glance at her page. Since seeing her page, I know now that this is the time for me to start my BLOG! Today, I feel she was greatly used as as inspiration tool to get me into action on this very thought that has rolled around in my mind for about 2 years now...

Sooo many thoughts in my head, I cant seem to get type them out fast enough...

In the place where I am at today (I do my best to stay 'present' and not get too caught up in all the 'what if's' or possibilities of life) Is that my husband and I have been together for over 5 years, married for over 3 years, we are a strong unit, we have committed to seeing a marriage counselor for sustaining and growing our relationship, we have our immediate goals and long term plans in our heads, and for the most part we are on the 'same page'. We do regularly attend church services and have grown to love our little church as well as the growing presence of GOD in our lives! We could not do without HIM, and because of that I believe, I am a more patient wife and partner to my husband. I am thankful and I know that one day I will have ALL that I have desired in my heart!